Endnotes: Chapter 12

  1. I’m not sure who “they” are, but I quote them so much it seems like they should get credit with their own endnote.
  2. John Van Epp, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2006), 77-78,84.
  3. We live in the Pacific Northwest where fishing is more than a form of casual recreation—it is a way of life. In fishing parlance, a “keeper” is a fish of sufficient size to be caught and retained without violating the law. Another fishing phrase, “catch and release,” is an apt description of some dating patterns that precede engagement or marriage.
  4. Neil Clark Warren with Ken Abraham, Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate (New York: Center Street, 2005), 226. Dr. Warren’s most complete development of this idea is found in How to Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1999) where he lists the twenty-five most popular “must-haves” and the twenety-five most prevalent “can’t-stands.”
  5. Norman Wright suggests the creation of a checklist subdivided into three categories: “Optional,” “Would Like to Have,” and “Must Have.” He offers a starter list of twenty-eight items. Finding the Right One for You (Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 1995), 79-80. Ben Young and Samuel Adams speak of “constructing your love target”: “It will require careful self-analysis and serious introspection over a period of time as you consider the things you most value in a future partner.” The One: A Realistic Guide to Choosing Your Soul Mate (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2002), 79. Henry Cloud and John Townsend concur in their outstanding chapter, “What You Can Live With and What You Can’t Live With,” in Boundaries in Dating (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2000), 91-106.
  6. Webster’s New World Dictionary, Third College Edition, ed. Victoria Neufeldt (New York: Harrington Park Press, 1986), 153-54, adapted.
  7. Wright, Finding the Right One for You, 5, (italics his).
  8. Ibid., 199.
  9. As does Duke professor Stanly Hauerwas. In chapter 9, I cited Hauerwas’s Law: “You always marry the wrong person.” His point is the same: no couple starts out compatible. There is plenty of room for adjustment and growth after marriage.