Endnotes: Chapter 11

  1. David Popenoe, “Cohabitation, Marriage and Child Wellbeing: A Cross-National Perspective” (2008), 13, www.smartmarriages.com/uploaded/Cohabitation.Report.Popenoe.08.pdf. Accessed August 2013.
  2. Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences (3rd ed.), Institute for American Values, 2011, available online from www.amppubgroup.com; “Social Indicators of Marital Health and Well-Being,” The National Marriage Project, University of Virginia, December, 2010, http://stateofourunions.org/2010/SOOU2010.pdf. Accessed August 2013; Popenoe, “Cohabitation, Marriage and Child Wellbeing.”
  3. After reviewing the confluence of social developments flowing out of the sexual revolution, David Popenoe, former dean of social and behavioral sciences at Rutgers University, concluded that broad acceptance of the practice of living together before marriage was “almost an inevitability.” (“Cohabitation, Marriage and Child Wellbeing.”)
  4. There was no allowance for cohabitation in the Mosaic Law. Adults were single (celibate), betrothed (but not living together), or married. If a man sexually violated an unbetrothed virgin, he was required to marry her (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). The only instance of cohabitation I know of in the New Testament is the circumstance of the woman at the well (John 4:18). In that case, her status was due to repeated marital failure and was a symptom of her need for “living water” from Messiah. Her efforts to fill the hole in her soul through relationships with men have been emulated by many.
  5. Most of the missteps addressed in chapter 10 are issues of wisdom versus foolishness.
  6. Prohibited behaviors and patterns spelled out in Scripture include (in rough order of their appearance): adultery (Exodus 20:14 and many other passages), incest (Leviticus 18:6-18; 20:11-22), homosexual intercourse (Leviticus 18:22; 20:13, Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9), bestiality (Leviticus 20:15-16), rape (Deuteronomy 22:23-29), and fornication [porneia is any nonmarital sexual intercourse] (Acts 15:29; 1 Corinthians 6:9).
  7. See chapter 1.
  8. See Genesis 5:3. “It would be wrong to say that every act of intercourse must have procreation as its end. In the Genesis narrative the man and woman were in the image of God and enjoyed profound companionship before there were children. But to cut the tie between sex and children is to reduce sexuality. A childless marriage can be a godly community on earth. But a marriage that refuses procreation for reasons of self-centeredness is something less than the God-imaging community, male and female, that was called to ‘be fruitful and increase in number’.” R. Paul Stevens, “Sexuality,” The Complete Book of Everyday Christianity, ed. Robert Banks and R. Paul Stevens (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1997), 882.
  9. Doug Rosenau and Michael Todd Wilson, Soul Virgins: Redefining Single Sexuality (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2006), 69-70.
  10. Many social scientists who deal with family issues are frankly alarmed by the expansion of cohabitation. And their primary concern is for the risks that threaten the health of children. In his monograph, “Cohabitation, Marriage and Child Wellbeing,” David Popenoe cites a study that reports “children born to cohabiting versus married parents have over five times the risk of experiencing their parents’ separation.” He concludes his paper with this sobering indictment: “In the final analysis, the issue of cohabitation comes down to a conflict between adult desires and children’s needs. It seems a tragedy that, with all the opportunities that modernity has brought to adults, it may also be bringing a progressive diminution in our concern for the needs of children—and thus for the many generations to come.”
  11. Due to the bonding influence of hormones that are released during sex (oxytocin in women, vasopressin in men), sexual coupling is a physical event with physiological effects that stimulate strong feelings of connectedness. The Creator has hardwired into our bodies a mechanism that contributes to the one-flesh connection between spouses. When this mechanism is activated apart from the marital covenant, the result is confusion. See Jennifer Roback Morse, Smart Sex: Finding Life-Long Love in a Hook-Up World (Dallas, TX: Spence Publishing Company, 2005), 48,50,57; John Van Epp, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2006), 290-91.
  12. Linda Waite, Marriage—Just a Piece of Paper?, ed. Katherine Anderson, Don Browning, and Brian Boyer (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2002), 164.
  13. S. McRae, “Cohabitation: A Trial Run for Marriage?,” Sexual & Marital Therapy, 12:259-73 (1997). Cited in Judith K. Balswick and Jack O. Balswick, Authentic Human Sexuality: An Integrated Christian Approach (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2008), 172.
  14. The variety of problems that tend to crop up in marriages of cohabiters is surveyed in chapter 13 of Singleness, Marriage, and the Will of God. The harmful dynamics of cohabitation are particularly problematic for women and children.
  15. G.J. Jenkins, “Cohabitation,” New Dictionary of Christian Ethics and Pastoral Theology (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1995), 238-39 (italics his). See also R. Paul Stevens, “Cohabiting,” Complete Book of Everyday Christianity, 168-71.
  16. “To Cohabit, or not to Cohabit?,” a question-and-answer forum posted online by Smart Marriages: The Coalition for Marriage, Families, and Couples Education, www.smartmarriages.com/dr.romance.html#cohabit.
  17. Jennifer Roback Morse, “Why Not Take Her for a Test Drive?,” Boundless Webzine (2001; republished 2012)  http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/why-not-take-her-for-a-test-drive.
  18. Ibid.